Funnies and Forwards

Redneck Turtle Burgers

Here's a new twist on how to serve burgers at your next BBQ

 

Handmade ground beef patties, topped with sharp cheddar cheese, wrapped in a bacon weave, (use the cheese to keep the bacon shell on) Next step, add hotdogs pieces as the heads and legs with slits for toes and shape a tail. If ya really wanna get artistic you can carve a hotdog head with eyes and a mouth slit!

Next Step: Place gently on your grill and cover with an aluminum foil dome and only turn once or if it's a rainin' you can place yer turtles on an oven rack, covered loosely with foil dome and baked for 20-30 minutes at 400 degrees.

A little crispy, not too crunchy!

Just how a turtle should be, right?

Slap them Turtles in a hamburger bun and serve!

(See if your guests eat 'em head or tail first)

Scary!!!
DON’T SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN JUST YET  Read the caption on the first photo, then look at the second photo. 

Look at the picture above and you can see where this driver
broke through the guardrail, on the right side of the culvert,
where the people are standing on the road, pointing.

The pick-up was traveling about 75 mph from right to left
when it crashed through the guardrail.

It flipped end-over-end bounced off and across the culvert outlet,
and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert,
facing the opposite direction from which the driver was traveling.

The 22-year-old driver and his 18-year-old passenger
were unhurt except for minor cuts and bruises.
Just outside Flagstaff , AZ , on U.S. Hwy 100. 

        Now look at the second picture below...

If God isn’t done with you, God isn’t done with you….
THE END ..... 
 
If only.....
we miss Bambi sooooo much....

read the 3  explanatory short paragraphs, then look at the  pictures! Eva in the pyramid Our house was  built in the deer's natural habitat in a remote rural area. Well worn  deer trails cut through the property's abundant pine and sage. The  oldest deer we've met (we call her Mama Rose) walked right up to  us when we first arrived, sniffing and looking us over. Rose and her  kin obviously think the yard belongs to them as much as anyone else.  They especially like clover flowers, but it's amazing to see the  variety of tasty flowers, leaves, twigs, nuts and berries they'll eat.  They stay away from herbs and herbal flowers, but on occasion we've  seen young deer eating the sweet medicinal berries of the Juniper  tree. While often  running into the yard to greet us with their quiet enthusiasm, they  will also swiftly shy away from strangers. Although notoriously skittish, able to leap  meters in the air in an instant when startled, a few deer we know, will  let us touch them as if we were family, letting us scratch them or pick  something out of their fur. Eva even enjoys a hearty back rub! We've  certainly learned a lot about how to act around them so as not to  disturb them.. We think they appreciate our efforts in fitting into  their neighborhood. Marlin's in the back yard with nine deer from Mama  Rose's family Mama Rose, the matriarch, in winter 2005 she  disappeared, passing her throne onto Lisa Two women sharing a secret Eva and her kids Freddy eating clover  flowers Rasa explaining the situation to Rosie Lisa and Eva looking up to the balcony Young Ram She doesn't care about the legs or the plastic rat.   After the photographer leaves she'll eat one of those pumpkins by the  tree Rasa giving Charlotte a third eye  massage (When he was very young we thought this guy  was female,  but when his velvet  antler brow first began to appear, we realized our  mistake.  We decided to  leave him as a buck named Charlotte ) Lisa ringing the front door bell with her  nose Could be any afternoon Mama Rose on the balcony Young Ram practices the nose ritual with  Rasa Young Ram   Thank you for reading,  feel free to pass this along.

Thanks to Jennifer B for these next funnies... I really needed them this weekend!  And the sobering reminder...

In case you didn't know... 

Women are Angels 


And when someone breaks our wings.... 
We simply continue to fly........................ 

On a broomstick.... 

 We are flexible like that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!' 


Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?' 


The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!' 


Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? " 


Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ....' 


If this brightened your day, don't let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer! Pass on to your friends!

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Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows.

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ALL PEOPLE SHOULD REMEMBER

THIS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT SHOULD BE READ AND REMEMBERED, ESPECIALLY SINCE IT DIDN'T MAKE OUR HISTORY BOOKS FOR THE MOST PART.

IN THIS TIME OF THREAT OF SHARIA LAW BECOMING A REALITY IN THE USA, PLEASE LOOK AT THE WOMEN WHO FOUGHT AND SUFFERED FOR WOMEN TO BE EQUAL CITIZENS OF AMERICA. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHICH POLITICAL PARTY YOU ARE IN, WE MUST NOT LOOSE WHAT SO MANY HAVE SUFFERED IN THEIR FIGHT FOR OUR FREEDOM AS WOMEN.  NO SHARIA LAW !!                                                                                                           This is the story of our Mothers and Grandmothers who lived only 90 years ago.     Remember, it was not until 1920  that women were granted the right to go to the polls and  vote.  The women were innocent and defenseless, but they were jailed nonetheless for picketing the White House, carrying signs asking for the vote.   And by the end of the night, they were barely alive. Forty prison guards wielding clubs and with their warden's blessing went on a rampage against the 33 women wrongly convicted of 'obstructing sidewalk traffic.'  (Lucy  Burns)They beat Lucy Burns, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air.   (Dora  Lewis)  They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Her cellmate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack. Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women.  Thus unfolded  the 'Night of Terror' on Nov. 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson's White House for the  right to vote. For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their  food--all of it colorless slop--was infested with worms.  (Alice  Paul)  When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.   So, refresh my memory. Some women won't vote this year because - why, exactly? We have carpool duties? We have to get to work? Our vote doesn't matter? It's raining?     (Mrs.  Pauline Adams in the prison garb she wore while serving a  sixty-day sentence.) Last week, I went to a sparsely attended screening of HBO's new movie 'Iron Jawed Angels.' It is a graphic depiction of the battle these women waged so that I could pull the curtain at the polling booth and have my say. I am ashamed to say I needed the reminder.    (Miss  Edith Ainge, of Jamestown , New York  )All these years later, voter registration is still my passion. But the actual act of voting had become less personal for me, more rote.  Frankly, voting often felt more like an obligation than a privilege. Sometimes it was inconvenient.    (Berthe  Arnold, CSU graduate)My friend Wendy, who is my age and studied women's history, saw the HBO movie, too. When she stopped by my desk to talk about it, she looked angry. 'One  thought kept coming back to me as I watched that movie,' she  said. 'What would those women think of the way I use, or don't use,my right to vote? All of us take it for granted now, not just younger women, but those of us who did seek to learn.' The right to vote, she said, had become valuable to her 'all over again.'  HBO released the movie on video and DVD. I wish all history, social studies and government  teachers would include the movie in their curriculum. I want it shown on Bunco night, too, and anywhere else women gather. I realize this isn't our usual idea of socializing, but we are not voting in the numbers that we should be, and I  think a little shock therapy is in order.    (Conferring  over ratification [of the 19th Amendment to the U.S.  Constitution] at [National Woman's Party] headquarters,  Jackson Pl [ace] [ Washington , D.C. ]. L-R Mrs. Lawrence  Lewis, Mrs. Abby Scott Baker, Anita Pollitzer, Alice Paul,  Florence Boeckel, Mabel Vernon (standing,  right))It is jarring to watch Woodrow Wilson and his cronies try to persuade a psychiatrist to declare Alice Paul insane so that she could be permanently institutionalized. And it is inspiring to watch the doctor refuse. Alice Paul was strong, he said, and brave. That didn't make her crazy. The doctor admonished the men: 'Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity.'   Please, if you are so inclined, pass this on to all the women you know. We need to get out and vote and use this right that was fought so hard for by these very courageous women. Whether you vote democrat, republican or independent party - remember to vote.    (Helena  Hill Weed, Norwalk , Conn. Serving 3 day sentence in D.C.  prison for carrying banner, 'Governments derive their just  powers from the consent of the  governed.')History  is being made.

Another sent to me from my Aunt


The Green Hat

The other day I needed to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my GREEN HAT that I got from Newsmax when I had subscribed to the magazine.

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time. Here's the hat. Try it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.







It also works at DMV. It saved me 5 hours.
At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running.
Don't try it at McDonald's though. The whole crew got up and left and l never got my order.








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Was sent this 'funny' by my Aunt.

Riddle

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

For the answer, click and drag your mouse from star to star.

* Get your drunk-ars off the merry-go-round. *

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The Yellow Shirt ~

The yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front.  It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape.  I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away..  
'You're not taking that old thing, are you?' Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt.  'I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954!' 

 'It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class, Mom.  Thanks!'  I slipped it into my suitcase before she could object.  The yellow shirt be came a part of my college wardrobe.  I loved it. 
 After graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned.  

The next year, I married.  When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow shirt during big-belly days.  I missed Mom and the rest of my family, since we were in  Colorado and they were in  Illinois .  But, that shirt helped.  I smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was pregnant, 25 years earlier.  

That Christmas, mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I patched one elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to Mom.  When Mom wrote to thank me for her 'real' gifts, she said the yellow shirt was lovely..  She never mentioned it again.. 
 

The next year, my husband, daughter and I stopped at Mom and Dad's to pick up some furniture.  Days later, when we uncrated the kitchen table, I noticed something yellow taped to its bottom.  The shirt! 

And so the pattern was set. 

On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under Mom and Dad's mattress.  I don't know how long it took for her to find it, but almost two years passed before I discovered it under the base of our living-room floor lamp.  The yellow shirt was just what I needed now while refinishing furniture.  The walnut stains added character.  

In 1975 my husband and I divorced.  With my three children, I prepared to move back to  Illinois .  As I packed, a deep depression overtook me.  I wondered if I could make it on my own.   I wondered if I would find a job.  I paged through the Bible, looking for comfort.  In Ephesians, I read, 'So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks, and when it is all over, you will be standing up.'  

I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the stained yellow shirt.  Slowly, it dawned on me..  Wasn't my mother's love a piece of God's armor?  My courage was renewed.  

Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother.  The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer  

Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station.  A year later I discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet.

Something new had been added.  Embroidered in bright green across the breast pocket were the words 'I BELONG TO PAT.'  

Not to be outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an apostrophe and seven more letters.  
Now the shirt proudly proclaimed, 'I BELONG TO PAT'S MOTHER.'  But I didn't stop there.  I zig-zagged all the frayed seams, then had a friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom from  Arlington ,  VA.   We enclosed an official looking letter from 'The Institute for the Destitute,' announcing that she was the recipient of an award for good deeds..  
I would have given anything to see Mom's face when she opened the box.  But, of course, she never mentioned it..  

  two years later, in 1978, I remarried.  The day of our wedding, Harold and I put our car in a friend's garage to avoid practical jokers. After the wedding, while my husband drove us to our honeymoon suite, I reached for a pillow in the car to rest my head.  It felt lumpy.  I unzipped the case and found, wrapped in wedding paper, the yellow shirt.  Inside a pocket was a note:  'Read John 14:27-29.  I love you both, Mother..'  

That night I paged through the Bible in a hotel room and found the verses:  'I am leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives.  So don't be troubled or afraid.  Remember what I told you: I am going away, but I will come back to you again.  If you really love me, you will be very happy for me, for now I can go to the Father, who is greater than I am. I have told you these things before they happen so that when they do, you will believe in me.' 

The shirt was Mother's final gift.  She had known for three months that she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease.  Mother died the following year at age 57.  

I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave.  But I'm glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I played for 16 years.  Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring in art.  And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt with big pockets.
 
 There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This has been sent To you for good luck from theAnthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so Far. You will receive good luck within four days of relaying this . 

 Do not keep this message.  It must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES.

ot herwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not  superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

Now, here's the FUN part!

1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly. 

5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.

9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks

1 5 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.

    A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.